


Catfishing Catfish

by Sailorscout1029



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Catfish - Freeform, Established Relationship, F/F, Lies and Deception, Long-Distance Relationship, MTV Catfish, not between each other they lie to the catfish guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 03:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11050059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sailorscout1029/pseuds/Sailorscout1029
Summary: Aradia and Feferi are devastated that they live so far away and have no means of being able to meet up in real life. Feferi hatches a plot to get them on the MTV show Catfish so they can finally see each other. But what happens when Max and Nev find out about their lies?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so this started out as semi-serious but then i jumped in and wrote chapter 4 on our shared google doc and it got a little silly

      Aradia woke to the sound of shouting, no doubt her sister talking to her “friends” over the phone. She grumbled as she checked her phone for the time, 6 AM. That meant two things, one, she was actually up way earlier than normal, and two she wouldn’t be able to talk to her girlfriend, Feferi. Feferi lived all the way across the country in sunny California, so she was at least two hours behind her, meaning there’s no way she’d be up at 4 AM. Aradia briefly entertained the thought of going back to sleep but as Damara’s yelling stayed persistent, she knew sleep would not be an option. Aradia had to find other options. She considered talking to Sollux, who, while also two hours behind her, frequently didn’t go to bed until he collapsed.  She shot him a quick text.

     “hey l0ser, are y0u still up 0r did the sandman finally pull y0u int0 his chambers?”

     Seconds passed before her phone pinged.

     “AA, you know damn well that the 2andman could never bed me. he trie2 wiith all hii2 miight, but ii keep leaviing hii2 calls on hold. al2o what the hell are you doiing up? ii2nt iit liike, 6 AM over there?”

     “my sister’s being a bit l0ud at the m0ment, its hard t0 fall asleep when she’s s0 l0vingly telling s0me0ne h0w t0 fuck themselves”

     “hahaha cla22iic, tell her ii 2ay hii”

     “will d0 s0llux!”

     “ok AA, iill talk 2 you later”  

     “bye!”

     After that exchange, she felt a little more awake and decided to roll out of bed and throw on some clothes. At least waking up early meant she could explore a bit more. Grabbing a piece of toast, Aradia left her house to be greeted immediately by the humid heat of New Orleans. Boy today would be a scorcher no doubt. She walked back into her house to grab a shaded hat and sunglasses to better protect herself. She began her trek to one of her favorite places, the cemetery. Being with all the spirits was so calming and she loved seeing people paying tributes to the voodoo queens. Once she arrived at Saint Louis Cemetery, she found a nice shaded grave and chilled while jamming to some choice tunes. 

     A few hours passed when she finally received the text she’d been waiting for.

     “)(iya Aradia 38D!!!!!! Are you up yet sleepy gills?”

     “actually I w0ke up quite early due t0 s0me n0ise in my h0use, but at least i w0ke bef0re y0u 0nce ;)” 

     “)(a)(a)(a awww, good!!! Its nice to not )(ave to be t)(e one to drag you out of bed!”

     “Are y0u g0ing 0n a j0g then?”

     “Yea)(, a jog to t)(e beac)(!!!!! But first I want to s)(are an idea wit)( you!”

     “:0 d0 share”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plan is hatched

“Its t)(is s)(ow called Catfis)(!!!! Its w)(ere t)(ese people )(elp ot)(ers to confirm w)(et)(er or not someone t)(ey’ve been talking to online is fake or not. And every time, t)(ey fly t)(em out to meet up.”

“But what d0es that have t0 d0 with us? i kn0w y0u’re real i’ve seen y0ur face bef0re”

“We can use t)(e s)(ow to finally meet up in real life silly!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“i d0nt kn0w Feferi, this seems kind 0f unfair t0 the sh0w”

“But Aradiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T)(is may be t)(e only way we can ever meet up!!! You can’t afford it and my mom doesn’t want me “flying out to sea strangers” We )(ave no ot)(er c)(oice!!!!!!”

“0k 0k, i understand whats the plan?”


	3. Chapter 3

This is crazy, it will never work. Trying to bamboozle the guys who spend their lives exposing bamboozles? Impossible. But it has to work. For Feferi, it has to work. Aradia couldn’t stand not being near her. She just wanted to touch her, hug her, kiss her. She spent too much time fantasizing about them meeting in real life. Feferi was one of the most beautiful and amazing girls Aradia and she loved her with all her heart. That’s why this had to work. Her mental amping was cut off by the doorbell. They’re here. She opened the door to what looked like two douchebags and their camera crew entourage. 

“Hey Aradia, I’m Nev and this is Max. We got your email and just wanted to ask a few questions.”

Aradia sat on the couch and began to feel more unnerved, but mentally calmed herself thinking of Feferi. Sighing, she began to explain to them the exact scenario Fef and her had gone over. They met over tumblr and have been together for two years(all true). The lie came when she said she had never video chatted with her, and only had gotten two pictures of her. These two pictures were actually of Rose Lalonde, a girl who she knew, but hardly talked to, giving Sollux less work to do when clearing out their history. After on Aradia began some speech about how much she values honesty as she sat there lying straight to their faces. They left and she released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. It worked, now all that’s left is for everyone else to do their jobs. Once they reverse source those images and found who it really was, Rose was then to act shocked. Giving them no leads and therefore lead to believe Feferi was fake.

A few days of anticipation passed and finally those guys returned again. They gave her the rundown. They found a lot of evidence pointing to Feferi being a fake and were gonna fly out to confront her(wow, that was easy). It was hard for her not to laugh as they awkwardly tried to comfort her but the fact she was finally gonna see her made up for the side-hugs and back pats. The plane ride was long and uncomfortable. How can anyone sit still for that long?? She needed to stretch her legs. The whole time she was thinking of Feferi. Aradia couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she was finally within reach. Until then, she vibrated with anticipation. 


	4. Chapter 4

They arrive on the SCENE. It’s time, bitches. They had arranged to meet up at a park. Grand Park, to be exact. When they arrived, Aradia saw pink chairs and tables, at one of which was sitting Feferi. FUCK! It’s her. 

“Hmm I don’t see her,” Nev said, looking around the park. “However I do see a girl sitting over there at that table with long curly black hair in a ponytail. She is sporting a gucci handbag along with some slick Nike shoes and what looks to be a Tiffany’s necklace.” 

“But it doesn’t look like Feferi is here yet.” Max shrugged. Aradia was a mother fucking ball of energy. She was bouncing up and down cause holy fuck her girlfriend is right fucking there in front of her! But what would happen if she ran up to her? The jig would be up. 

Nev rubbed his chin, perplexed. “Hmmmmm,” he said. He was hmmming. Aradia pretty much said “fuck it” and started running towards Feferi. As soon as she saw her, her face lit up and she quickly stood, knocking over the chair she had been sitting in. 

“Woah hold on now. What’s going on here?” Max began walking over to the two girls that were now embracing and FURIOUSLY making out. 

Nev tapped on Aradia’s shoulder, interrupting the sexy makeout action. “‘Scuse me,” he said. Aradia immediately burst into tears. Nev crossed his arms. “This is definitely NOT the Feferi we saw in the pictures. What is going on here?” 

Feferi spoke up, as Aradia was literally sobbing uncontrollable atm. “WHALE you see,” she began, “get it? Whale? It’s a pun. Haha anyways… The truth is we were never in doubt that the other was the reel deal. We just had no other means of seeing each other in person.” 

“You played us like a fiddle!” Max exclaimed. 

“You used me…” Nev started, “for LAND DEVELOPMENT!” 

Aradia and Feferi both stared at him like, “what the fuck are you talking about my dude?” 

Max smiled. “I guess the only important thing is that you two are together now!” 

“Hold the fuckin phone,” Nev countered, “I don’t mother fucking think so.” He turned to Aradia. “So what’s the fuckin deal, huh? You used our show to get on TV? To have your moment in the spotlight? Huh??? Well, it ain’t gonna work, sweetheart.” Nev reached into his jacket and pulled out a gun.

“Nev what are you doing?!” Max called out. 

“Aradia. You’ve gone too far.” Nev raised his gun and cocked it. “I’m so sorry.” BOOM! 

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

psych  

Nev did not actually shoot Aradia. “Haha yeah I guess all that matters is that we brought together these two ladies who are truly in love!” Nev smiled and gave Aradia and Feferi both a hug. 

“Well, you two go out, have fun, enjoy the day. We’ll meet back up later on,” Max said, waving them off.

Oh, and enjoy the day they  _ did. _


	5. Chapter 5

Aradia and Feferi had one of the best days of their collective lives. They went to the beach and went all around doing things that you do in California. They returned that night to Feferi’s house and HOLY SHIT HER HOUSE IS HUGE WHAT THE FUCK IT’S LIKE A PALACE! 

“Hey mom!!! I’m hoooooooooooooooome!” Feferi shouted into the empty house, “Uh oh, it looks like we are the only two gills here.  _ Wink. _ ” Feferi said as she winked. 

“Did you just say, ‘Wink’ out loud?” Aradia asked, giggling.

“Yes I did, just in case you missed my actual wink” 

Aradia cupped Feferi’s cheek, “You know my eyes have only been on you all day.”

Aradia pulled Feferi into a kiss. Nothing new considering they’d been smooching all day, but this particular kiss meant something more. When they broke off, Feferi giggled as she took Aradia’s hand and led her to her bedroom. Feferi ran and jumped onto her massive bed.

“Wow, looks comfortable,” Aradia said.

“It is! Wanna test it out?” Feferi hinted. 

Aradia walked up to the bed and pulled Feferi onto her lap

“Alright now lemme see them fish titties.” Aradia joked, causing Feferi to burst into laughter. 

And then they fucked, it was neat.


End file.
